Yeah, that's the idea.
An issue that I have been pondering for quite some time is that of perspective. It seems that its all I can think about in dealing with others. Every idea is wrapped inside varying layers of biases and scope. A contemporary example of this phenomenon is Michael Jackson. I have nothing to say about any of his personal details, mainly because I don't feel I have anything appropriate to add. At the grocery store people engage each other, and often myself as well, in conversation about one aspect of some tabloid cover or another. I wish no part in it, not only that, but I feel a very strong aversion to such discourse. Its obvious that no one is qualified to appropriately discuss his motivations. In the truest sense of the phrase I consider him larger than life. Not in the sense that he life was somehow larger than others, but that all of us are larger than life.
Lately I've been responding to status inquiries concerning myself by saying "I'm doing better now than I ever have in my entire life." The amazing truth is that I've locked myself into believing those words. The formula for seeing truth in loving the present ends with an ending, my ending. What has haunted me recently has been an image of me on the very verge of death. I do not fear dying however, I fear regret. I know that leading up to, and even at the very moment of death, a thought is going to occur to me: "That was so quick." It is a popular image, a cliche image, but its undeniably true. In a more restricted perspective, it is having weeks fly by, months fly by, years fly by. It is having slices of consciousness that were once present and in stark relief becoming vague and undefined around the edges. It is the ultimate, final extension of this situation. A customer said in response to my unrealistically cheery status response "Yeah man, that is why it is called the present, it is a gift." I love axioms, maxims, sayings, and the like. I love that they can distill a great meaning in a small package. I love saying a sentence that connects strangers and myself on a deeply personal level. "Shoot, I need every penny I can get." "I feel you, brother." I love phrases like this, but I think the one about the present I love most of all. It is adorable in its naivety, but that is what being optimistic is all about. The naivety to believe there is no way to see the world other than as an optimistic. The thing about having every moment being the best moment in your existence is that such an idea still allows for other emotions beside happiness. You can take joy in being sad, because you're alive. Regardless of any concern for an afterlife (for the record, I can wax philosophical on the subject, but ultimately a dead person is gone, dead, forever), we have a extremely limited time to be alive.
Lately I've been responding to status inquiries concerning myself by saying "I'm doing better now than I ever have in my entire life." The amazing truth is that I've locked myself into believing those words. The formula for seeing truth in loving the present ends with an ending, my ending. What has haunted me recently has been an image of me on the very verge of death. I do not fear dying however, I fear regret. I know that leading up to, and even at the very moment of death, a thought is going to occur to me: "That was so quick." It is a popular image, a cliche image, but its undeniably true. In a more restricted perspective, it is having weeks fly by, months fly by, years fly by. It is having slices of consciousness that were once present and in stark relief becoming vague and undefined around the edges. It is the ultimate, final extension of this situation. A customer said in response to my unrealistically cheery status response "Yeah man, that is why it is called the present, it is a gift." I love axioms, maxims, sayings, and the like. I love that they can distill a great meaning in a small package. I love saying a sentence that connects strangers and myself on a deeply personal level. "Shoot, I need every penny I can get." "I feel you, brother." I love phrases like this, but I think the one about the present I love most of all. It is adorable in its naivety, but that is what being optimistic is all about. The naivety to believe there is no way to see the world other than as an optimistic. The thing about having every moment being the best moment in your existence is that such an idea still allows for other emotions beside happiness. You can take joy in being sad, because you're alive. Regardless of any concern for an afterlife (for the record, I can wax philosophical on the subject, but ultimately a dead person is gone, dead, forever), we have a extremely limited time to be alive.
I can't finish this. I'll leave on this note, all I want out of life is to be immortalized in history past my death. Its the only goal I have to accomplish before I die. As a fallback plan, I'll have a child, but I would rather it not come to that. I want to improve the world through my intelligence and be remembered for it. So I can delay death past the end of me.
